A menagerie of poetry, creative writing & musings from over the years. Most with unknown dates so they are posted as one blog post. © Amber Flowers. May not be used without permission.
Like a single star shining in the dark, only one can know the heart. To find the truth of solitary is to deny the mutual harmony of life. One must travel the oceans to find the freedom to be at peace among such dissidence. The past can be a golden key or the torture of the present and insanity of the future. How to divide the somber reality, to cross the line into the abyss of an unknown path? To embrace the wisdom of a single tear in the cosmic lining of the soul? How do the stars endeavor to seek the sun while still content to travel with the moon. The realization that destiny is a woven tapestry with threads that unravel to sparkle in the sunlight, glisten in the moonlight and combine into something worthy of true artistry.
I hear an owl...out on the prowl. Its prey scampering swiftly amongst the leaves and debris from trees. They hide among the twisting and knotted roots as if there is no better refuge. The moon illuminates all but the shadows which are a stark contrast to the calmness of the night before dawn. Crickets serenade the stars which twinkle from afar. A soft breeze caresses the skin with its touch causing goosebumps and subtle pleasure. The stillness of the night has a beauty of its own...one to be enjoyed in silence like a warm bath lit by candlelight.
With no warning, time is motionless. Broken like an hourglass shattered upon the ground. A fog surrounds the mind creating the illusion of time standing still. It seems there is never enough light to force away the darkness. No end-of-tunnel salvation. Only the realization that in the end you are alone in the darkness. Only your shadow is your companion. Yet, this darkness is so complete even your shadow has failed you here. The sound of your heartbeat rages in your ears. Flashes of your life suddenly the only existence. You watch and remember. You feel cold. So cold. You feel like you are sinking slowly into the unknown. For a moment all is silent. The only sound in the darkness is that created from your thoughts. A mist of uncertainty at the future which remains unknown. A slow, soothing acceptance. Then a force begins to pull at you. You feel warmth tingling in your limbs as your body rises higher and higher. The will to survive suddenly stronger than the gravity that forces your descent. Violently, you break the surface. You endure the fire in your chest as you open your mouth to breath. You are thankful for the pain. Thankful to no longer be descending into the dark abyss of death via a watery grave…thankful because to feel pain is to know you are ALIVE.
Alone in the dark, I look at the stars. The sky is so dark and mysterious. A grey blanket of clouds glides across the sky. A soft breeze blows delicate tendrils of my hair around my face. I turn to let the wind expose my face. Suddenly, I see a flash of light from the corner of my eye. Can it be? A firefly? I stare intently towards the forest. Hoping for another glimpse of the glowing insect. My eyes wander across the dark woods. A menagerie of shadows and shapes. The darkness creates a maddening mixture of foliage with little reality. I notice a lone tree with splashes of white standing in stark contrast. It is a tree in bloom. My gaze is suddenly distracted. There, at the top of the tree, is yet again a flash of light. I stare intently and smile. For on this warm spring night the gentle breeze directed me towards the insect glitter of nature…a beautiful sight as the tree lights up the night like random Christmas lights. I raise my arms to the sky, feel the wind for another moment and return inside to face the dreams inside my mind.
January 22, 2001
I feel my heart being torn apart.
Slowly, painfully, day by day.
The savage teeth are slicing my soul - strangling my inner voice.
This war is always raging; never-ending for me.I have no weapons for fighting back, only my insanity.
I want to break free, be me, Show the world who I am.
I feel like I am dieing inside - ripped apart and torn at the seams.
There is an emptiness I cannot bear, searching for a freedom I cannot find.
Hoping for a change to begin...
December 13, 2000
Silent. Clear. Nameless tears.Raining - like shards of glass.
I am cautious to come close, yet curious enough to reach out and touch.
The pain is searing. I am bleeding. Agony flows throughout my body.
Darkness now - engulfing me in flames.What does it mean? Why can't I see it?
I feel it on my skin, I see it on the ground, yet when I look up...it is gone.
A WORLD WITHOUT MUSIC
Imagine a world without music to soothe and inspire the soul. Oh the terror and insanity…the blackened ashes of a radioactive release of darkness from inside an insane mind. The ashes fall like silent snow and the earth turns to dust. In an instant, all is silent. In the quiet, the mind creates its own harmonious symphony.
As the sun rises and the moon sets, all is serene.
For in this silence, I am solitary. Left out alone on my own.
My depressed emotions are calm yet savage.
No amount of shackles can contain me, for my soul knows no sanctuary.
As the sun sets and the moon rises, my sadness appears never ending;
as the moon circles again in its monthly orb.
My depressed emotions are silenced and solitary.
Forever alone transcending...Never to be heard.